Illegal Immigration: The Shocking Truth

My fellow Americans, I come to you today with a grave problem. There's a certain group of folks among us who just didn't seem to get the memo that America is an invite-only party. Unlike you and me, they just don't seem to care about the rule of law. These people came to our great land unannounced and without a single immigration paper amongst them. They didn't come here to work, only to feed off our resources. But about the only thing they seemed good at was spreading disease. And these foreigners barely spoke a word of English--only Spanish. We should have stopped those "banditos" a long time ago while we still had the chance.

But Christopher Columbus is dead. And the remains Nina, Pinta, and Santa Maria are nowhere to be found.

Of course our modern illegal immigrants aren't reprising the role of the gold digging conquistadors of old but rather the African slaves of old. Failing to control our borders is just a symptom of failing to enforce our minimum wage laws. Continue allowing corporations to hire under the table illegal aliens for slave wages and illegal immigration will continue.

But who wants a political rant? What I find far more interesting as it pertains to immigration is the fact that America is only what it is today because of the existence of the Atlantic Ocean.

Maybe.

There have been two massive immigration waves in the Americas: the European migration beginning in 1492 and the Asian migration beginning around 11,000 BC. I say Asian because Native Americans were apparently originally from Asia. During the last Ice Age it's believed there was a land bridge along the Bering Strait connecting Siberia to Alaska which they crossed. So they got all the way from Asia to Baton Rouge without even needing to learn how to sail or swim. After the Ice Age ended the ice bridge melted and they were trapped here. They lived in isolation for..........11,000 years?

But why stop there? Let's dive even further back into pre-history and assume scientists are correct in saying all humans originated in Africa, having evolved from apes. Human history is then essentially the story of one group of homebodies staying in Africa, another group of wanderers heading north, turning west, and becoming Europeans/Americans and another group of wayfarers heading north, turning east, and becoming Asians/Native Americans. 1492 marked the final reuniting of these two large band of gypsies which had headed in opposite directions thousands of years earlier. Africa, Asia, and Europe were linked back together. The human family was no longer fragmented. Just as we had all been together in Africa, we were once again together because everyone had finally found America.

But we know what happened. They didn't all gather round the campfire with a peace pipe singing "reunited and it feels so good". It wasn't a tear filled family reunion. The Europeans had an advanced civilization and, more importantly, an immunity to all the diseases they had contracted from those sheep, goats, and cows they had found on their slow western odyssey through the Middle East and Europe. The Asians/Native Americans hadn't had the pleasure of stumbling upon those same disease carrying animals on their ancient eastern journey to America.

But there's something else to consider. The Asians got here much, much, much earlier than the Europeans. And they became geographically isolated from their Asian ancestors. They got here so early that they couldn't import all the advantages of technology and agriculture that civilization brings. Because the Europeans took the more difficult western path to America they had about 10,000 additional years to do their homework by establishing a civilization before taking the final exam in America. They delay itself--caused by the Atlantic Ocean--may have been their real advantage. What if the Native Americans had gotten here around the time of the Christ instead of 11,000 BC? China by that time had an advanced civilization of their own. The Native Americans wouldn't have been "primitive" at all. And even some of the virus spreading livestock had begun to circulate by then so the problem of underdeveloped immune systems might have been nonexistent by that time as well.

The world might be a different place today. If the 1492 culture clash had happened under those circumstances, we might be speaking Chinese rather than English. It was less than 150 years earlier that the Mongols had conquered much of the Middle East and Europe. Their empire was only undone by the Great Plague. Asians were more than worthy opponents--if they had the advantages of civilization to support them.

So history begins to seem like a bit of a fluke the closer you look at it. The early arrivals to America may have eventually suffered for their early arrival while the illegal immigrant truants might have benefited from taking their sweet time. (The motto of the Santa Maria should have been "I don't FEEL tardy"). And all this because the pre-historic Bering Strait ice bridge was easier to cross than the Atlantic Ocean.

But it does beg another question: with all that time on their hands after the Ice Age, why didn't the Native Americans create their own separate, advanced civilization? While not exactly a barren wasteland, the Americas--without the benefit of imports--aren't as rich in resources. (Not including gold, silver, and oil). Crops, livestock, climate--not so hot. No fertile crescent here. And that's how civilizations grow. And, amazingly enough, the Native Americans had no horses. (Just as Italian restaurants had no "Italian" food in 1491 since there wasn't a single tomato in all of Italy). Horses came from Russia/Central Asia. Possibly Native American's ancient ancestors had them but horses probably weren't ideal for crossing big ass icebergs out of Siberia. So Native American armies had an infantry but no cavalry. The conquistadors had both. Guess who won? Because the Christian God was on their side? Or because the accidents of geography were on their side?

But by "advanced civilization" don't we really mean the ability to win battles? Culturally, were the Spaniards and their Dutch and English followers more advanced? The Native Americans were pagans who worshiped the sea, the sky, the air, etc. So unlike the sophisticated, cultured Europeans who worshiped a gold tinted metal buried in the dirt, an invisible God, and a flag. Considering we probably owe our entire American culture to the Atlantic Ocean, not the God of the 12 tribes of Israel, "manifest destiny", or the flag, maybe we should become pagans and worship the ocean too. Instead of pledging allegiance to the flag, we should bring Neptune out of mothballs. I mean since pagan notions are apparently more supported by the scientific and historical evidence, who was more advanced as it turns out? Who was less superstitious?

PS--Further (slightly superficial) evidence of everything coming back around again...... Prince Ferdinand and Queen Isabella commissioned the Spanish fleets which accidentally found America. The number one baby girl's name in America today? Isabella.